About Me

Name: Vicky Victorious (undercover guise)

Middle name: “Competitive” (not on birth certificate but an accurate description of my true born nature, in manner of film credits like Randy “The Hammer” Martin)

Theme tune up until today: “Mighty Wings; there’re no points for second best” (Top Gun soundtrack)

Theme tune from today onwards: TBC (but given there’s everything to play for yet so much to lose, I am thinking a heaving, melancholic 80s rock ballad)

Age: 30 (and counting)

Live: Hackney (in the bit nearest Islington, London)

Partner: Live-in boyfriend (artist called Marcus; mad as cats)

Friends and family: Only just (after recent unforgivable behavior)

Up until today I would do anything to be The Best (pupil, worker, potter, dresser), The First (swimmer, fencer, line dancer) and Queen (cast as lead in The Ice Queen ’89) of Absolutely Everything. If that meant turning a Sunday afternoon game of gin rummy into bare fisted combat and stamping on the rounder’s pitch so hard I shattered a tibula then so be it, there’s only room for one winner.

But recently it got out of hand and my competitive nature set in motion a trail of destruction. I am ashamed and appalled to be responsible for ruining: 1-2 lives (I am trying to stay positive, I cannot say the same for dear Meredith) x 1 friendship, x 2 jobs and x 1 small arts business funding department. And now I must atone for my sins (in a non religious manner) by stepping out of the game (not in a chair and long piece of rope type way) by no longer competing with anyone, or anything on any level. Any more. I’ll need some rules if I am to stay on track:

  1. Keep current job if only to afford a ticket to see the monkeys at London Zoo to have a break from mental boyfriend. But, no jockeying, self promotion, ladder climbing, brown nosing, competing for clients or general proactive behavior. Arrive 9am, leave 5pm on dot even if mid-sentence / conversation / health food snack.
  2. Stay healthy, living is still a priority. Running and swimming on my own is fine but no competitive sports including badminton and poker which have caused violent and aggressive outbursts in the past. Add rounders to that list.
  3. Do not keep up with the Joneses.
  4. Conduct pleasant conversation. Do not initiate competitive conversation or gossip in order to levy ones position, with either friends or work colleagues. Steer conversation in another direction using dance and mime if necessary.
  5. Do not keep up with Joneses
  6. Do not argue. Avoid game playing and try not to gain moral high ground with friends and boyfriend even when the latter is being so irritating I want to bang him over the head with a bottle of turpentine.
  7. Do not make To Do lists. They encourage competition with self and once the list is completed I might as well get chair and rope.
  8. Do not keep up with the Joneses
  9. Find out who the Joneses are. Then do not keep up with them

I am writing undercover because my friends and family can never know what I am doing. If they found out they wouldn’t believe I could do it which would lead to me to compete against myself just to prove them wrong (therefore defeating the object of the game and reinforcing their view of me as an awful monster). This way I can make some mistakes and if I succeed then I will have fostered a new, enjoyable way of living and I might even pave the way for national economic recovery and a big ceremony in which I am awarded a medal, certificate or rosette. Or all three.



  1. […] About Me Posted by: Vicky V | April 17, 2009 […]

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  5. […] About Me Posted by: Vicky V | April 27, 2009 […]

  6. […] About Me Posted by: Vicky V | May 15, 2009 […]

  7. […] About Me Posted by: Vicky V | May 21, 2009 […]

  8. […] About Me Posted by: Vicky V | July 12, 2009 […]

  9. […] About Me Posted by: Vicky V | July 22, 2009 […]

  10. seems like you’re out of your mind-I love that in a girl

    • Well thank you, I am flattered.

  11. […] About Me Posted by: Vicky V | July 29, 2009 […]

  12. […] About Me Posted by: Vicky V | September 26, 2009 […]

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