Posted by: Vicky V | August 7, 2009

Laws of the jungle

Getting an e-mail from Karen this morning was like:

a) When your staple gun runs out of staples
b) Your computer freezes
c) Your mother calls in the middle of the working day

i.e. NOT the right time. I am, as they say, “under the cosh”. I have been working my fingers to the bone to get this away day sorted out and have managed to book everything but the bar. The last thing I needed was interruption by Karen of all witches.

Her e-mail read:

Subject: Glum, glum, glumerama drama
From: Karen
Date: 7 August, 2009

Darling, can’t help but notice you’ve been looking lower than Bernard’s salary. I don’t like to pry but I saw you make a ham (?) sandwich soggy with your tears the other day. What say I pop out and buy you something more robust like a biscotti to cheer you up? Know how you love them. K.

No sooner had I composed a hard hitting and sarcastic reply than she’d draped herself over my desk like an expensive fur and plonked down a grande latte and biscotti.

It looked delicious. It was exactly what I felt like. And I was caught unawares by this surprising act of random generosity as a time of extreme work stress. Furthermore, when I wasn’t lying prone and frothing at the mouth three sips later, I was certain she hadn’t poisoned me.

And so Karen and I had the first civil chat since we met each other. She was so charming I even found myself talking about Marcus leaving me.

She empathised with me. Told me how she felt used and abandoned by the man she kept going back to time and again. I did not let on I knew it was Zack.

She let slip that Zack had a love of all things animal; fur, feathers, leather, that kind of thing.
She said there was a bar in Soho decorated with leopard print that he loved to go to. She gave me the number in case I was ever looking for somewhere to go for a drink after work.

It gave me an idea. I’d hire that bar in Soho for our “away day” and give the shin-dig a “jungle” theme. I’d order in jungle cocktails and hire waitresses in leopard print.

Impress the boss and have a great party.

What a great day it turned out to be.



  1. […] have thrown myself into work and not shirked any friendship responsibilities. I am rising above my troubles with Karen and making an ally rather than an enemy of her. Score: One point. But I have ignored my mother’s […]

  2. […] Karen was responsible for this. How could I have fallen for her games? I made mental voodoo dolls of her and drowned her in vats of chip fat. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: