Posted by: Vicky V | July 31, 2009

On the rocks

Talk about Tales of the Unexpected.

My drink with Ian wasn’t so much the good bar suggestions I had been expecting as a news cocktail so potent I thought I might pass out.

He hadn’t even touched his JD on the rocks when he said, “I’m going to ask Suze to marry me.”

I was taken aback, like MC Hammer knocking me out with a sideways kick. All of a sudden I was Agnetha on stage choked by dry ice and singing my heart out.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my best friend and good knows she deserves to be happy (albeit with a man whose surname rhymes with Dick) but I was strangulated with the questions of my own life:

Should I have fought the Art Slut harder to keep Marcus from leaving me?
Should I have taken a course on understanding the creative mind and paid more attention to his frozen plums?
Have I ruined my chances of ever getting married and using my dwindling supply of eggs to make a mini-me?
And who’s going to want to marry someone with a competition addiction anyway?
Should I be trying harder to make my life more meaningful instead of wasting my time with a bunch of fashion drunks?
And if I do try hard again will I just end up making the mistakes of the past and losing my job and the respect of friends and family?

I am destined to be one of life’s loners. A lonesome, lonely loner.
I am Jesus in the Wilderness and my beard has grown so long I can hardly breathe.
I am a lone cowboy caught in the desert of life. I’ve lost my ranch and I am drowning in the only brackish river that had drinking water. I need to get to a Salon for a scotch on the rocks, to tie up my horse and rest my brown boots on the bar before I decide what sunset to ride into next.
I am caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.
Between a rock and a hard place.
I am Arthur. On. The. Rocks.

“Vicky, are you listening?” I realised Ian had been talking all the time I had been dancing in my imaginary dry ice.

“I want you to choose the engagement ring with me.”

Yes, Ian, yes of course, it will be like peeling me and rolling me in a barrel of salt but yes, yes, I will do it.


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